I took a parenting class this winter and as an ice breaker we went around the room and each parent had to say something about parenting that was completely surprising. Alot of ladies talked about being able to function on such little sleep which I agree is miraculous let alone surprising. Anyways I thought about it and one major thing that came to my mind was the vastness and depth of love for your children and the amazing way that, no matter how angry or frustrated you can be, all it takes is a little smile or one word or a little kiss from your child and every feeling instantly evaporates.
I've had some MAJOR homonal imbalances these past few days..Sorry hunny. And I've had a bit of a short fuse. Of course this all comes up as I'm trying to pack for camping and keep the kids from pulling everything out of the rubbermaid container I drug out of storage or climbimg on top of the cooler to flick the lights on and off a BAZILLION times. The final straw was Ben on top of our watercooler turning the heater to full blast when it's already 35 degress outside. It took me awhile to realize why I was so INSANELY hot. I yelled and I hate yelling. I stomped around and yelled at my innocent huband doing nothing wrong. I knew I was being unreasonable but I wanted to be. That night after battling a whining Ben to get into bed. I tossed his covers on and started to stomp out of the room eager for peace and quiet. "Mommy?" His little voice pleaded."What!" I'd had enough whining today. It's time for sleep!" His eyes welled up with big tears and his big bottom lip came pressing out toward me, trembling. Instantaneously my heart became a mushy, liquid-goo like substance. Overwhelmed with guilt for my lack of patience and utter joy and love for this darling little boy. I climbed in the bed beside him. "I'm so sorry Ben! Do you know how much I love you?" I desperately wished I could take it all back. The whole day and start over being the mom I promised I'd be when he was just growing inside of me. Ben looked me in the eyes "That's okay mommy. Sing sunshine?" So we lay there as I sang "You are my Sunshine" just like I do every night. Almost suffocated by the depth of my love for this small child who has seen me at my very worst and loves me just the same. I could lay there forever my heavy arm draped over his little chest, his soft fingers wrapped around my thumb. Did my mom feel this way too? I'm gonna call her tomorrow and thank her. Even more staggering is to know that my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ loves me infinitely more than this.
"Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus, vest unmeasured, boundless, free! Rolling as amighty ocean, in it's fullness over me. Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love. Leading onward, leading homeward to thy glorious rest above. " ch