I had a dream last night that was truly THE most heartwrenching dream I've ever known. As I was telling it to Dustin this morning after I woke up we both lay there in the darkness of early morning. The tears streaming down our faces.
In my dream, I was out doing something and Dustin was at home with the kids. Then I get this phone call and it's Dustin and he's telling he found this "thing" on the floor of the house and it's wierd. It's looks like an organ of some sort. A heart or something. Weird! So, I call the doctor and rush home after telling him to put whatever that thing was on ice.
I arrive home to find the doctor already there standing over Ben and Dustin. He explains to us that Ben has this disease that is virtually undetectable from birth. But basically, (don't laugh beacause in my dream this was VERY serious) Ben's little heart fell out. It's been very weak from birth and eventually just comes out. (Don't ask me where it came out from it just did okay.) That's not the point. The point is that the doctor told us Ben had only an hour or so before he left us to be with Jesus.
And then I remember sitting with Ben and holding him. Telling how cool it was going to be in heaven and how he'd get to be with Jesus but we'd be with him soon. All the while me heart breaking in two.
And then he was gone and I was left with only my tears and echo of Dustin's agonizing cries to God. Sobbing from the heart of his soul to his Heavenly Father for understanding and peace.
Even now as I type, the emotions are still so fresh in my heart.
I can't say that I understand what it's like to lose a child but, if it's anything even close to what I felt in my subconscious. I don't know if I'd survive.
Sorry for the happy morning post.