I've been noticing lately that Megan really enjoys looking at herself in the mirror. I'm not sure if it's just her personality or if it's just because she's a girl. Although I remember being quite small, before kindergarden, and doing the very same thing. I'd even stare at my reflection in our stainless steel toaster and imagine I was a singer with the most beautiful voice in the world.
John Eldredge, in his book "Captivating" says, "Every woman was once a little girl . And every little girl hold in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play and irreplacable role in a great adventure, to be the Beauty of the story. Those desires are far more than childs play. They are the secret to the feminine heart."
Most women and little girls will attest this to be true. Don't we strive our whole childhood trying to get the attention of our daddies. We LOVE to dress up in mommy's pretty clothes and jewlery. And even now, if we could only lose those ten pounds or have whiter teeth. I wish my hair was thicker, darker, lighter, longer, straighter, curlier...I just want a new pair of jeans, or that really cute suede jacket from the Gap. This is very true in my life. A day doesn't go by that I don't analyze in my head some new plan to shed a bit of weight or go over our finances to see how I might be able to get some new clothes.
Am I trying to impress somebody? I guess so. But who? My friends could care less if I lost or gained ten pounds. My husband is certainly more than happy with the way I look. Unless he's lying to me. Which I HIGHLY doubt. And yet I still find myself struggling for this maddening desire for some sort of affirmation that I'm beautiful. Which I already have. It's not a wonder our husbands roll thier eyes at us when want them to tell us they think we're the most wonderful woman in the world to them when they just told us that we are five minutes ago.
sigh. ( I sigh alot don't I?)
Will I ever come out the other side of this seeing it all for the nonsense it truly is? Maybe not fully on this side of heaven. But, I DO know that this is something in us that's natural. God created us this way. For the desire to be lovely. That is the woman's queation. Am I lovely. And I know that answer. For it is a resounding YES echoing throughout the heavens everytime I ask this question. Maybe I'm asking the wrong person to recieve the ultimate assurance. I hope that when I see Megan desperately trying to seek an answer to this question I direct her in the right direction. To her daddy! Not her earlthy daddy, although he will always praise her hor the beauty she is but to her Heavenly Father. The Father who took such care in creating her to be the person she is at this moment. Right now at this moment, I know that I am Captivating. Tomorrow, well... the same lies will invade my brain I just hope I remember to look to the right source to find my answer again tomorrow. It's NOT on the cover of a magazine.