Sunday, February 12, 2006

Living my dream.

And no, I'm not going to write about how I won the jackpot or something like that.Something far greater than that.

The other night, as I was putting Ben to bed before I was leaving for Adele's party he looked at me with his enormous chocolate eyes and worriedly asked me if i was going to come home. I couldn't even believe that a thought might enter his little three year old brain that I might not come back home. My heart almost broke at the thought of not coming home to his soft, hesitant smile and infectious giggle. His warm arms as they circle my neck each night squeezing me to the core of my heart. There is not place I'd rather live out each day, hour by hour than in the presence of my beautiful children. Even through the days, the moments where I'd wish to be anyplace else. But, truly I'd take a thousand days of their fury and meltdowns if it meant I could still tuck them into thier cozy beds each night. And hear the wispered i-love-you's. And gentle sighs of slumber taking them peacfully away to dreamland.

I never imagined I'd be anything else but a wife and a mother. And truly I've never longed for anything more than to be these two things. Even since I was a small child watching my mother as she baked, and sewed and read us stories I knew I wanted to be what she was. A woman who wasn't perfect. She lost her temper and cried when we yelled that we hated her and sometimes fought with my dad. But above all these imperfections, her wisdom, grace, beauty, and unconditional love for us kids and my dad made me want to be what I am today. I pray that I can be to my Ben and Megan what she has been to me.

Yet, I feel pressure sometimes to be more than what I am. To have a career on top of being a mother. There are days when the thought of spending a whole day with adults sounds like a dream. But I know I would think of nothing other than my kids all day long. I do plan to go back to work VERY part time. But, it's not my passion or my calling. My passion and calling lay quietly dreaming in thier beds at this very moment. And as fatiguing as they are I can't wait to see thier shing faces in the morning.

I must say though, I'll probably be writing something at this same time tomorrow like how crazy my kids are driving me.

Perspective people. It's all about perspective. Make sure you remind me of that okay.?


Angella said...

Sweet post Christy. You ARE an AMAZING mommy...and you have 2 wonderful kiddies to prove it.
Keep up the great work!

Poetsch Family said...

I know it is hard some days, but I couldn't imagine having to leave my kids just to go to work. Although like you said some days it would be nice to have adult conversation. But you know, they grow up so fast. They need us so much now and also when they go to school. The most important time of the day (when Vayda is in school) is when I pick her up, cause right away I can tell if something is bothering her or if she has had a great day.
I know my mom was never able to stay at home with us, and she watches me and my kids and she wished that she could have. Hope you have a great day and keep up the great work with your kids.

Jen said...

I love being a stay at home mom too. There are days where it's not what I feel like doing, but I definitely know that this is what's best for me and my family. :)

Elizabeth said...

A post from the other end... a working mommy.

It's not soo so bad. I enjoy being able to take on my career after so many years in school (and such a huge student loan on my back). I am blessed beyond all measure to have the family support that I have. Also, I am lucky that, as a substitute teacher, I have decent hours, I can leave work at work, I can take some days off and also fully enjoy the money that I have the chance to bring in.

Some days, I am sad that I work and don't get to stay at home. But then I go buy groceries, or look at my bank balance, or want to do stuff for my house.. and I am glad that I do!

Danica said...

I too, come from a different perspective. I was a stay at home mom and was lucky enough to have the ability and the option to continue at home if I wished. I feel deeply for women who long to be at home but must work for their family to survive. But God was calling me away.
Just today I was thinking about all the women I know who are such natural and gifted mothers and what a blessed calling that is. At the same time I was hoping that my not having that calling would not have any negative repercussions on my kids. God let me know that if a mother walks the path he carves out for, nothing will be neglected. If he has her lovingly raising and teaching her family and impacting her community - then the world will go on without her. Likewise, if He needs her out in the world, fulfilling a need, He will make sure her children are blessed.
God is good.
He's the only one you will have to answer to in the end.
Sorry it was so long, this just happened to be what I was thinking about today. God bless you Christy. You know in your heart where He wants you.

Kaili said...

What a nice post Christy!
We really need to hang out, we think alot alike. I would love to meet your children, they are so adorable.
I may have the twins I look after here in Summerland either Thurs. or Fri. Are you guys avaliable for a playdate? Let me know.

Susie said...

Christy you are such an awesome person. I know I don't know you very well, but you radiate goodness.