And no, I'm not going to write about how I won the jackpot or something like that.Something far greater than that.
The other night, as I was putting Ben to bed before I was leaving for Adele's party he looked at me with his enormous chocolate eyes and worriedly asked me if i was going to come home. I couldn't even believe that a thought might enter his little three year old brain that I might not come back home. My heart almost broke at the thought of not coming home to his soft, hesitant smile and infectious giggle. His warm arms as they circle my neck each night squeezing me to the core of my heart. There is not place I'd rather live out each day, hour by hour than in the presence of my beautiful children. Even through the days, the moments where I'd wish to be anyplace else. But, truly I'd take a thousand days of their fury and meltdowns if it meant I could still tuck them into thier cozy beds each night. And hear the wispered i-love-you's. And gentle sighs of slumber taking them peacfully away to dreamland.
I never imagined I'd be anything else but a wife and a mother. And truly I've never longed for anything more than to be these two things. Even since I was a small child watching my mother as she baked, and sewed and read us stories I knew I wanted to be what she was. A woman who wasn't perfect. She lost her temper and cried when we yelled that we hated her and sometimes fought with my dad. But above all these imperfections, her wisdom, grace, beauty, and unconditional love for us kids and my dad made me want to be what I am today. I pray that I can be to my Ben and Megan what she has been to me.
Yet, I feel pressure sometimes to be more than what I am. To have a career on top of being a mother. There are days when the thought of spending a whole day with adults sounds like a dream. But I know I would think of nothing other than my kids all day long. I do plan to go back to work VERY part time. But, it's not my passion or my calling. My passion and calling lay quietly dreaming in thier beds at this very moment. And as fatiguing as they are I can't wait to see thier shing faces in the morning.
I must say though, I'll probably be writing something at this same time tomorrow like how crazy my kids are driving me.
Perspective people. It's all about perspective. Make sure you remind me of that okay.?