Saturday, August 26, 2006

Truth when I need it most.

The last few days have been very overwhelming and frustrating for me. My daughter has taken it upon herself, in her frustration with being immoblie, to push me beyond the breaking point. Even at night she's been complaining about this and that, and "I want milk" and "it's too dark" and "i have to go pee". Then during the day it's a constant barrage of shrill screams and whining. I lay in my bed at the end of the day, worn and spent, and wonder why I allow myself to take out my frustrations on my children. Two of the dearest people I love more than my own life and yet they bear the brunt of the burden I feel I'm carrying. I realise that it's crunch time now and the pressure is to a boiling point. And within a few short months this will indeed be nearly over. We will be moved out in a few weeks. And then I'm outta here to be with my parents to allow Dustin to finish the daunting task ahead of him. Complete our house. He has poured so much blood, sweat and tears into that house and I'm so proud of him. I fear that our life will continuously have one task after another. Another project, another renovation, another job to do. I don't want that kind of life. The kind of life where we have to continually say no to our friends and family and kids because we're too "busy". Too busy working so we can have nicer stuff, a bigger house, blah blah blah. This has never been my dream. in fact we still dream of packing up, selling it all and serving God at a Bible Camp somewhere. If that is where the next door leads us anyways. The best summer of our married life was spend at a beautiful camp where Dustin and I interned. Ben was a chubbly infant of eight months and Our sweet Megan was concieved there. We lived in a tiny, one room, concrete cabin anf spent out days, laughing and enjoying the fellowship of other believers and connecting with troubled young kids needing the love and acceptance of a saviour. It's when I think of those days that I feel my perspective is right again. That the things of this world are so temporary and fade away. The things that matter don't come with timelines, but with hearts longing to be filled. Lately this song has become my most favourite of all. I LOVE IT! The truth it speaks into my life is pure and refreshing and holy and I need it like water to my thirsty soul.


The love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair bowed down with care
God gave His Song to win
His erring child He reconciled and pardoned from his sin

O, love of God, how rich and pure! How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink, the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Though’ stretched from sky to sky.

O, love of God, how rich and pure! How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure The saints’ and angels’ song.


Amanda said...

I don't want that kind of life either - always trying to convince yourself that after this next project, THEN things will be normal. It just never happens. You have been very gracious through this whole process and I can' wait till you're finally settled (THEN things will be normal, right?) I love you. :)

Bekah said...

I can totally relate - fence, lay sod, put up garage, finish basement.... its like it never ends. Some of my happiest moments were when we were our poorest, or life was at it's simplist. Peace amist the storms and cayos. I will keep you in my prayers dear friend. Love ya. PS A girl eh? So neat. I am praying for one too. I decided that it would be a suprise this time, now i am glad but am trying to prepare myself if it is a boy. That would be nice for little Sam. I am due First week in Dec, and boy am i starting to feel it....
Keep me posted. PS - your house looks gorgeous!

Michelle said...

So now you know the secret to a happy life. I hope you never forget it.