Monday, February 12, 2007

My life in perspective.

Here is an old picture of Ben and Megan that's making me get all sentimental and nostalgic
It's a quiet morning. Ben is at playschool and Olivia is sleeping and Megan is watching 'Dora'. I can hardly believe I have a few minutes to myself. Lately my brain has been truning circles on itself pondering my life and the direction it's going. If I can stop it from doing flip flops for awhile I feel like i can make sense of things. I've been pushed to my limits the last few days trying to break Megan of her attachment to her soother. It's getting a little ridiculous actually. She would rather suck that thing than cuddle with Dustin or I. It's an addiction really. So, despite fervent, desperate pleas from her we are determinted to rid her of the thing. When she asks for it we dip the end of it in Tobasco sauce and offer it to her freely. She don't like it. i used to think that it wasn't a big deal and that she would be rid of it someday on her own but it seems to me that the longer we wait to to be rid of it the more attached she is becoming. I'd much rather her attachment be to Dustin and i than that bit of plastic. And yet other than that I'm continually amased at how Megan is growing and maturing. Her sensitive sweet mature is becomeing more and more apparent as she grows. She still demands so much of me and I have to remind myself that God created her to be the person she is. I cannot be a lazy parent to a child such as her. I cannot for even a moment let my guard down and allow my selfishness to rear it's ugly head. And this is why I am rarely here these days. Her young self requires all my efforts and time to teach and mould her. Unfortunately children are not instilled naturally with the ability to cope with thier emotions, or to know how to treat a baby, or to feed themselves, or to keep their arms from flying into eachother's faces. I must be the one to teach them these things. And Megan is one of those little girls that does not learn things the first time around. As a matter of fact she will know if a certain action is wrong and yet will make the choice to do it anyways. How does a person teach a child to choose the right. It must be an act of their own free will. I am so filled with pride as i see her change and watch her character grow. I often forget that she is still just two and not four. She seems so old for her age. I expect her to behave as Ben does which is unfair. And yet i'm proud of her because she is so advanced in language and stature. Not that that has anything to do with me.I just love her. That's all.


Ben is still Ben. Quiet, goofy, pensive, intelligent, sometimes jabbery, mischevious, imaginitive, doting, pestering, sensitive, shy, creative, fun, obedient. I could go on and on. I can hardly belive he will soon be in kindergarten. He's growing up to quickly for my liking. The other night I had gone in to give him a kiss and sing him a song, it had been a long day and he had gone to ben after many tears and sniffles. He was already asleep by the time I got there. I knelt down and listen to the even pace of his restful breathing. I closed my eyes and rubbed my cheek against his. Soft and warm. The same warm cheek i'd nuzzled over and over again as a chubby infant. He will never again be that chubby, smiley little baby he once was. That realisation brought the tears rolling down to rest on his pillow mingled with his hair. I can't stop him from growing older. From not wanting my "slurpy" kisses. Or my help getting dressed or putting on his shoes. I just wanted one more snuggle with that baby that once was. Knowing that would never be i snuggled in beside him on his bed and held him there singing him "Sunshine" one more time. Once I'd had my fill I ran upstairs to where little Olivia lay cooing in her crib, I swept her up and hugged her tight and begged her to not grow up. She just smiled at me and made no promises. But i did. To treasure these days. These days of childhood, though they bring to my wits end and make me wish for more peaceful days where I can do what I want, I will make every effort to remember how fleeting they are and how soon I will standing on the threshold waving good by.

16 comments:

The Foulds said...

You made me cry... but that is a good thing. :)
Thanks for the reminder to slow down and enjoy life as it happens.

Ashley said...

Wow, don't u just have a knack of tickling one's tear ducts. What a wonderful momma you are Christy! I too want to thank you for the reminder to cherish each momment - it's so easy to forget and get wrapped up in the chaos.

Heidi said...

I too could feel the tears coming. I know exactly what you are feeling only am a few years ahead of you on the whole thing. I frequently ask Brooklyn to stay little and she quite adamantly reminds me she is a big girl and not a baby! It does get easier.

nelly said...

so,so true, Iwas watching you with your little ones this weekend , and it too reminded me of days long ago. Days when I too had to deal with a strong willed child. I remember the Questions and how hard it was, and yet I'd go back there in a heart beat. So, you are wise to treasure these days, even if they are hard.

Amanda said...

I'm getting all misty-eyed here. All of it is so true. See you soon...

The Sheppard's said...

Thanks for the reminder of how wonderful and rewarding motherhood is every day. And how the time just seems to slip away from us. I'm so glad to hear you enjoy having three children.. It makes me believe that having another wouldn't be too bad... After all I'd love to have a girl.

Anita said...

Isn't it true?? Being so tired from constant parenting.. yet knowing that all your wonderful teachings will turn out beautiful children. Time spent with your kids is the best gift of all! I tell Cory all the time, that he will always be my baby boy!! (He's 8 now!!) We can't keep them young forever, just grow along with them and be proud of all they do!!

Becky said...

I wanna hug & snuggle your kids too!! Love you, sis.

Kacie said...

Christy, what an amazing post. Its so touching (i'm crying). It is so true. I love to lay in bed with Jillian and just watch her sleep and wish that she would stay my little girl forever.
They just all the sudden grow up. It's sad and it's hard, but it's amazing.

Dana a/k/a Sunshine said...

sniff sniff. So true Christy. I too forget how fast it goes...my son is 12 already and I cannot believe it. Thanks for the reminder to cherish the days!

shannon said...

Christy,

I am crying because I think these things ALL the time!!! I am enjoying most moments of this stage and am rarely wishing it away. I realize it is fleeting. Sometimes, I long with eager anticipation for them to be independent, but know that brings a new set of challenges and (sigh) brings closer their leaving. However, I do look forward to the days of Jon and I alone again. When I do feel bogged down I have to remember these are the only days in their little lives that I have them ALL to myself. Never again will it be this way. So, when I am feeling selfish, I remind myself that these are the rare moments that I have to influence them. What a great responsibility and gift from God.

Christy, I thank you for taking the time to post your pictures and thoughts. I check every day for an update. In case you have not yet heard....baby # 4 of ours is expected sometime in June! Another girl.

Meghan Van Seters said...

You made me cry! I think the same things so often. Some times by the end of the day I can't wait for bedtime. Once I've had an hour to myself I usually miss them and can't wait for morning when we can play some more.

Tanneal said...

I'm trying to swallow back the lump in my throat!

You captured the feelings in your words...to remember to cherish these times! Thank you.

Amanda Franks said...

A great post and such a great challenge to let the not so nice moments slip by the way and cherish the good ones, especially on days where the good ones seem to be way out numbered by bad ones. Maybe Megan's strong willed character will lead her to be the president or something one day. While I'm snuggling with my kids I like to think about how much potential they have to grow up into great things and that makes it a little easier to let them grow independant. A little.

Angella said...

I remember when Megs was in your tummy :) She may be a challenge sometimes, but I can't imagine her any different - she cracks me up! Your kids are blessed to have you as a Mommy, Christy :)

karen said...

Christy, that was a really great post.

My eyes are full. :)