Monday, April 03, 2006

Stubborn or just insane?

I speak of my daughter. My daughter who is now evidencing the fact that she's now entirely back to herself by deliberately disobeying me over and over and over...


SHe is doing so by repeatedly coming out of her bed again and again after I tell her and warn her of the consequences. The first time I gently placed her back in her bed with a quick kiss and warned her that if she disobeyed mommy and came out again she would get a little swat on her bottom. (I know some of youprobably don't agree with spanking and that's fine. I don't like to do it. But when a child is deliberately disobedient in our house we have decided that spanking is the disciplinary measure we will execute.) And so after the second time I heard the little patter of feet a floor above me I did indeed apply said measures to disobedient child. After a good deal of sniffling and "okay mummy...sorry mummy" Megan and i made a deal that she would stay in bed, and then I wouldn't have to give another spank. Super. That works great for both of us.

Or at least it would have if Megan would have kept her end of the bargain. It's now been seven good swats to the rear end. Not given all at one time mind you. Seven seperate occasions. And each time has been exactly the same. The patter of feet as she rounds the corner downstairs the downcast look on her face. As our eyes meet i sigh and ask her "why?... why Megan are you doing this to me? You know what's going to happen don't you?" Her eyes well up with tears as she pleads her case from behind her soother, "no mummy, don wan it panks!" I carry her back up the stairs and we sit on her chair. I go over once again the importance of obeying mommy and that I have to stay true to my word. And that she must face the consequences of her actions.

I hate this so much.

I hate having to be consistent. I hate bearing the weight of this responsibility. She's not my child. She's God's little girl. And I don't know if I'm able to always treat her with the respect and love that she deserves. I can't be the mom God asks me to be to her. I don't even know if spanking IS the best way to deal with these situations. But, she needs to be disciplined for her actions. I'm not asking for advice, or sympathy from you, or for you to tell me that you think I'm a great mom or a terrible mom. I guess I just wonder as all moms do if we're doing the right thing. If it's what God wants from me. It's almost easier to get angry. The hardest part is following through when every part of you just wants to drop it and let her get away with it just this one time. But, then it would all be for naught wouldn't it? I remember hearing on Dr Phil of all places that when a child does something...anything...that child should know beyond a shadow of a doubt what thier parent will do. I guess I need Megan to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that her disobedience will result in discipline. Not sometimes, or if mommy's tired she'll crumble under pressure. But, that she will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if she repeatedly comes out of her bed, she will be disciplined. But, even more than that. . . I pray I pray I pray that she knows that I love her. That the gentle caresses of my hand and the way I hold her will speak volumes more to her than the act of the initial punishment.

Please stay in bed Dear One. please.


Jules said...

Sounds like you are being tested!

I admire you for your consistency, because I'm sure that's the right thing, even though it would feel Soooo much better to just freak out.

Unfortunately, parenting doesnt come with a handbook of all the 'rights' and 'wrongs', so I think it's only normal to question a lot of the things we do. In fact, I think that a parent that is 100% confident in everything they do is probably just dissallusioned.

Susie said...

I think all parents struggle with what's the right way and what's the wrong way. I know I feel pressures to be a certain way with Kynan from all aspects of society- family, friends, media... The pressures are strong. But I feel it ultimately comes down to you and your heart. You have to trust in God that he is instilling in you life lessons, just as much as he is instilling in our children. Whether that be a gentle spank or not. One thing I know that works is consistancy (just watch the Nanny for heaven's sake!). I struggle everyday with, "But I think he is too little to understand what he is doing is bad", even though when I do say: "Kynan, we need to be gentle" he usually listens.

Angella said...

Oh, Christy. I hear you in the struggle to be consistent. It's so hard. But we want to teach them right from wrong, so that they will love and respect us. from that, they will learn to love and respect God, as we do.
And it's OK to give in sometimes. Shows them that we're not perfect either :)

Bekah said...

I did that when I was a kid too one night, and my parents spanked me each time in tears, over and over and over, and sure enough the next day my little bottom was black and blue with bruises. I (the strong willed girl that I am) fell asleep half inside my room and half outside right under the door jam. Hardest thing they ever did. You are doing the right thing though - your a great mom!
PS love your new pics - you have such a gift girl!

Joyce said...

way to win this battle, way to stay strong. the more battles you win now the less battles you will have when she is older. Just pick them wisely, this was a wise one. Keep praying girl, keep praying.

Robyn said...

The consistency is just so hard, isn't it? Whatever your parenting/discipline style, it would just be so much easier to cave some of the time - easier in the short term anyway. Its certainly one of the things I'm still working on, sometimes its just my stubborness that makes me keep holding out which isn't very Christlike unfortunately. I hope Megan stayed in bed for you!

Becky said...

In response to your comment on my blog... is it really that obvious?? Since going on the pill I've grown to a DD!!! I just got 3 bras that size yesterday.... It SUCKS big time!
On a different note, it would be so hard to be consistent with that cutie!

Danica said...

If it's hard, it probably means you are doing a good job.
You ARE!
Megan is not a baby anymore, it's time to begin molding her into a wonderful girl.
Yay for Christy being a great Mother!